Feels Like Home
by gremlin2318
Summary: This story takes place when Kensi comes home from Afghanistan. It was going to be a one shot about her first day home, but then some other scenes jumped into my head so I changed the title and will be adding chapters. Disclaimer: I do not own the show or the characters.
1. A Perfect Day

**Title: **A Perfect Day

**Summary: **This is a story about the first day Kensi is back from her secret mission in Afghanistan. It is full of Kensi and Deeks.

**Rated: **M

Reviews and constructive criticism are always welcome.

* * *

A Perfect Day

Kensi taps her fingers in anticipation on the armrest of her plane seat. The taxi to the gate seems to be taking forever. It has been a long 48 hours since she found out she was coming home and a very long 3 months on assignment. She was so excited to get home that she booked a domestic flight from Naples with her own money because it left 12 hours sooner than the next Navy transport.

Deeks has been at LAX for just under 45 minutes just in case her plane gets in early. He realized while she was gone just how much time they had been spending together before she left. He has missed her terribly and can't wait to see her. He has just taken a sip of coffee and is glancing at the arrival board when he gets a text 'just landed!'

He texts back, 'I'll be at the gate!' A definite perk of an LAPD badge is that he was able to get through security to meet her at the gate.

Kensi is so excited to see him, and a little nervous too. She is scared of wanting something so much. They were just starting to figure things out when she was ripped away. She had splurged on business class since she had already been feeling antsy and cramped from traveling.. As soon as the plane is parked at the gate and the seatbelt light is turned off, she grabs her backpack and is ready to follow the people ahead of her off the plane.

As Deeks watches the first 20 people or so deplane, he anxiously wonders if he should kiss her or if she is going to need space and need him to be patient with her. Their conversations on the phone had been more than friendly. He just doesn't want to mess this up.

Kensi makes it to the end of the jet way and as she enters the airport she immediately begins scanning the crowded gate area for Deeks. Her heart is pounding. Deeks gives a little awkward wave and starts to say Kens, but Kensi has already spotted him. He watches her face break into a smile as she walks toward him, and when she gets close she catches him by surprise catapulting herself into his arms. All nerves are gone as his arms come around her waist. The hand that is free of coffee rests on her lower back underneath her backpack pulling her close, and his cheek rests against her wavy hair, which is partially tied back. He is so glad to have her back safe and sound he can't come up with words.

Kensi's arms circle tighter around his neck and she rests her head on his shoulder. It feels so good to be in his arms.

"I've been thinking of this every night for three months," she says softly as she pulls out of their embrace only enough to look into his baby blues and wonder if he is going to kiss her.

"Me too," he replies sliding his hand from her back to her hip then up her side over her shoulder and into her hair wanting so much to have his hands and lips everywhere. Since they are at the airport his wandering hand rests on the back of her neck and he kisses her forehead. He is moved by the fact that she immediately has opened up by saying that she has been thinking about him.

"Can I kiss you or is Granger or someone here?" he asks unsure of what she will want and uses work as an excuse

"I don't give a damn," is her answer to the part about Granger or someone else that works for NCIS being there. She slides her hands from around his neck to his cheeks and brings his lips to hers for a sweet, slow kiss. "Why do you think I took my own flight home?" she teases in her sultriest tone.

"Welcome home Kensalina,' he says smiling as he captures her lips in another kiss keeping her distracted long enough to slip her backpack off.

"Customs?" he asks swinging the backpack over his shoulder.

"Nope, the rest of my stuff is coming on a Navy transport and will be delivered to the office. We can go home."

He hands her his coffee so she can have a sip. She takes advantage of him now having a free hand to slip hers into his. They've only done it a few times undercover, yet it still feels natural.

On the ride they talk about practical things such as her debriefing at 14:00 and cases he has been working on. He updates her on Monty's latest antics. She talks a little about Afghanistan, but most things she can't tell him because they are classified. He knows from their phone conversations, her comment at the airport about not giving a damn, and the weary and pained look in her eyes that the mission was tough on her.

Things get a little awkward again as he nears her house.

"I went grocery shopping yesterday," Deeks tells her as he pulls into her driveway. She had left most of her possessions at OSP when she left for Afghanistan including her keys. Deeks had been checking on her place and taking care of things while she was gone.

"Thanks," she replies. "Do you want to come in?" she asks a little unsure about everything, but hoping he doesn't have to work and that he will.

"Kens, I need you to tell me what you need," he urges gently as he puts his hand over hers. "I have the day off, but I can give you as much or as little space as you need."

"I want you to come in," she says decisively. "Can we just be a boy and a girl hanging out?" she requests using his words from three months ago.

"Can we be a boy and a girl hanging out who make out?" he asks hopefully and cheekily. She smiles and leans over to show him her answer.

"Mmmmm" he sighs pulling away. "I like hanging out with you."

* * *

"Want some breakfast?" Deeks asks once they are settled inside.

"Sure," she replies. "Mind if I take a shower?"

"Go ahead. I'll get some pancakes started."

He chuckles when her face lights up at the mention of pancakes. He also takes out some bacon, another of their favorites.

Kensi assesses her bruises while in the shower. The bruises are lightening up, but she knows Deeks will still be concerned when he sees them. She also still has a lump from where she was hit during an ambush when they were out collecting intel. She was wearing protection, but still has a nasty hematoma.

'Not the most attractive I've ever looked,' Kensi thinks to herself. She shaves her legs and feels a bit better. Also, the way Deeks has been looking at her, she doesn't think he's going to mind that she's a little beat up.

Kensi opens the bathroom door and immediately smells the bacon and pancakes. It feels like heaven to be home with Deeks. She sees a picture of she and her mom and remembers that she should call and let her know she is home.

"Smells great! I'm just going to call my mom quick," she tells Deeks walking into the kitchen.

"I did already," Deeks says a bit sheepishly.

"You made me bacon and you called my mom," she states incredulously as he holds out a piece of bacon for her to snack on while he finishes cooking the rest of breakfast. Her eyes tear up a little and she curses the lack of sleep for making her emotional. She busies herself pouring coffee for herself and Deeks as she gets a handle on her emotions.

"Selfish on my part really… I love bacon and I want you all to myself today Ms. Blye." He says the last part softly as he takes the coffee cup from her hand and sets it on the counter. He gently places a hand on her arm and brings her close.

Her heart melts into goo as she knows that he did both for her. She knows her partner and now lover is a really good guy. She melts into him as he kisses her. Her body starts to hum with excitement at the feel of him against her. She moans as his lips caress a bruise on her collarbone that wasn't visible with the shirt she was wearing before, but is now.

"Don't make that noise again or we're not going to make it through breakfast," Deeks warns playfully as he lets her go.

"Sorry, I'm not trying to. . . I want to. I just need a little time to adjust," she tries to explain that she is not trying to play games or lead him on.

"I know," he assures her running a hand down her arm. He gets it. He kissed her, went through hell, and then didn't make another move for months.

As they eat breakfast Deeks notices just how tired Kensi is.

"Get some sleep," he suggests. "I'll clean up."

"Thanks," she replies, "for everything."

Kensi tries to fall asleep, but her mind keeps going back to Afghanistan when all she wants to do is be in the moment grateful to be home and with Deeks.

15 minutes later she is back in her kitchen where Deeks is washing dishes.

"Hey I thought you were going to get some sleep," he says concerned when she comes up next to him.

"Can't," is her one-word reply.

She wishes she could tell him she wants him to come lay with her, and that she wants him to hold her and make her forget the past three months.

"I know something about that," he commiserates drying his hands. "Want me to show you your first Christmas present?" he asks.

"Sure," she replies intrigued. He takes her hand and leads her back to the bedroom.

"Lay on your stomach," he instructs. As she does he explains that he took a class on pressure points to disarm combatants, but that they spent a few hours of the class on pressure points to relieve the stress and tension caused by their jobs.

"Oh Kens," he says softly as he lifts her shirt and sees all the bruises.

"It's okay. I'm well on my way to healing," she tries to relieve his worry.

His hands are still warm from the dishwater. He begins gently massaging her whole back. Then, he works out a knot in her mid back. He spends a while on her neck and as he massages her scalp she almost falls asleep. He lies down beside her and continues to rub her back. She turns on her side. He pulls her close spooning her and massages one of her hands with his. He kisses her hair realizing the shampoo is part of what makes her smell like sunshine.

Soon after she has fallen asleep the recycling truck comes down the street. One of the cans hits the ground with a loud bang and Kensi jerks awake.

"Just a garbage truck," Deeks assures her getting even more of an idea of how stressed out and on edge she has been for the past three months. She turns over and snuggles into Deeks facing him.

Deeks sleeps for about an hour. After that he has trouble falling back to sleep. He had actually slept last night knowing that Kensi was on her way home. The other reason he can't fall back to sleep is that he has no feeling in his right arm due to the beautiful brunette sleeping on it. He's more of a rock and roll music guy than a country music guy, but suddenly Brad Paisly's 'Little Moments' comes into his head. Eventually the numbness in his arm and the difficulty he is having lying next to Kensi without kissing or touching her lead to the decision to get up. She wakes a little as he slides his arm from underneath her.

"Go back to sleep. I'll be here," he promises in a whisper as he readjusts the blanket so it is covering her again.

* * *

"Can you reschedule for tomorrow? Granger is not even back yet anyway," Deeks reasons with Hetty 3 hours later.

"I need to debrief Ms. Blye, Mr. Deeks. I also don't believe she will like you interfering," Hetty scolds.

"You can do it tomorrow Hetty. I'm letting her sleep. I can handle Kensi." His confidence on his last statement wanes a bit when he looks up to see her standing in the doorway not looking amused.

"You make a good case Mr. Deeks. A few more hours won't hurt. I'll see you both at 9:30 a.m. sharp tomorrow," Hetty instructs seeing that the young detective is not going to give in when it comes to protecting Kensi. She also figures if Kensi doesn't come in on her own maybe she really does need the time.

"Thanks Hetty," Deeks says before hanging up.

"Do I need to put on a protective vest or helmet?" Deeks asks holding up his hands in defense as a serious looking Kensi comes into the room.

"No, my Christmas present to you is that I've started working the steps from that anger management class." Her face relaxes into a slight smile as she voices her clever comment. "Plus I love my country and my job. I know I did what had to be done over there, but I just need today," she adds curling up next to him on the couch and running her hand over his chest.

"Touché," he chuckles about her first comment as he puts an arm around her.

"How can it be touché if I said it about myself? Nevermind, I'm going to give it to you."

"What do you want to do today? It's gotten a bit warmer," Deeks informs in case she wants to go out.

Being away so long, she doesn't have anything she needs to do. She doesn't even need to clean her apartment because Deeks has already done it. She's had a purpose and a job the past three months and now she doesn't so she's feeling a little lost.

"Want to go for a ride in my truck and get some ice cream?" he asks.

"Yeah," she replies liking the sound of that.

"Nell said she would take care of Monty, or we could go get him and take him to the beach."

"Let's get him," Kensi says suddenly eager to see the little mongrel.

* * *

"I missed you Buddy," Kensi is cooing 30 minutes later as she sits on Deeks's living room floor playing with Monty.

"You two ready for the beach?" Deeks asks throwing her sunscreen to put in the bag.

"Sure, do you and Monty want to bring your things?" Kensi asks suddenly aware that she wants to be at her own house tonight, but she doesn't want to be there alone.

"Our things?" Deeks asks hoping she means what he thinks she means.

"To stay the night," she clarifies feeling a bit apprehensive, but knowing it is what she really wants.

"Yeah, we would love that wouldn't we Monty?" Monty barks his agreement.

As they drive Kensi puts her head back and closes her eyes enjoying the warm California air, Florida Georgia Line's 'Cruise' on the radio, and the man and dog beside her.

"Hey Kens I know you promised just to talk about us, but I really think you should talk about this too when you are ready," Deeks prods.

"I will, just not today," is her reply. "I wasn't back there. I was just sitting back enjoying the ride," she shares.

Deeks isn't sure if she is telling the truth, but he is willing to let it go for now. He made the suggestion and she knows he is here.

After a toes in the water walk on the beach and letting Monty play fetch in the water for awhile, Deeks buys ice cream and they put the gate on the back of his truck down to sit on.

"Perfect idea," Kensi says after a bite of ice cream as she swings her bare feet. She is feeling more and more like herself.

"I have my girl, my dog, and my truck. Life doesn't get much better," Deeks agrees running his free hand over her back. "Don't give him that," he chastises when Kensi gives Monty the last bite of her ice cream cone. "You got too skinny over there."

"Well then how about some lunch?" she requests. "Any good new food trucks near here?"

"Yeah, there's a new Kebab truck not far from here."

"They don't serve vulture do they?" she jokes.

"No," Deeks replies confused and slightly wary. "Plain old chicken, beef, shrimp, and veggies."

"Perfect," she says smiling and hopping off the back of the truck.

They spend the afternoon lying on a blanket on the beach talking about old cases, crazy Hetty stories, their childhoods, places they've been, places they want to go, and about nothing at all.

"You're going to burn," Kensi warns lifting her head and looking over at Deeks who has had his shirt off for the last hour with no sunscreen. It's not the first time she has glanced over to enjoy the view. She may tease him about his body, but the truth is she does find him very attractive.

"This is the first 80 degree day we've had in a week woman and the first nice day I've had off in weeks. Let me be."

"Try being in the mountains for the past three months," she tops his complaint as she squeezes a glob of cold sunscreen on his back.

"Jesus," he cries out having not seen it coming. "You can be cru…" he doesn't finish the word cruel because her warm hands begin massaging in the sunscreen and that is anything but cruel.

"You were saying," she whispers in his ear before continuing the massage.

"Nothing, I was saying nothing," he stammers quickly.

* * *

"I think we've found your cooking talent," Deeks teases later that night as they prepare dinner. "Anything with a knife," he clarifies his statement as she quickly chops and scoops vegetables into their salad.

"Watch it Mr.," she warns playfully as she throws Monty a carrot.

She puts their salads in the fridge and follows Deeks outside with two beers. He lights up his little grill and she realizes he must have planned on making dinner for her if he brought his grill along with the groceries yesterday.

"You were feeling pretty confident," Kensi teases nodding toward the grill.

"You can't resist my grilling," he says turning and giving her his you love me and you know it smile as she sets the beers on a small table. "Ah don't argue," he advises putting a finger on her lips as she opens her mouth to refute. "You know it's true.. Plus, this is actually yours. Christmas present #2 is I am going to teach you to grill."

"I can grill," she counters.

"You don't grill, you char."

"Ha," she utters in response to his insult.

He takes the opportunity of her parted lips to lean in and kiss her.

When he turns back to the grill she grabs a beer off the table and wraps her arms around him from behind.

"I could get used to this," Deeks comments accepting the beer.

"Here's to that," Kensi agrees unwrapping herself from Deeks, but leaving a hand on his back as she grabs her beer and clinks it with his.

After dinner Kensi puts on some music and she and Deeks hang out on her couch.

During a lull in the conversation Deeks nods toward the Christmas tree Kensi put up before she was sent to Afghanistan. "That's for you," he tells her referring to the package that is under the tree.

Kensi has every reason in her past to hate Christmas, but she doesn't. She is glad Deeks didn't take down the tree and excited that he brought her a present.

"Ohhh thank you," Kensi breathes as she opens the box and discovers a bag she had loved when she was undercover, but had to return.

"There's something in the pocket too," he informs her.

She discovers a brochure for San Francisco and a note from Deeks about packing her new bag for a getaway weekend when she is ready.

"Thank you," she reiterates leaning over to kiss him. "I can't wait. It's not fair. I didn't get a chance to get you anything," she laments.

"All I want is you Kens," he says sincerely leaning in to kiss again.

"That I can give you," she says seductively as she pushes him back on the couch and follows him to a horizontal position.

"I didn't mean..." he begins to explain that he just wants her as his girlfriend and that he didn't mean he wants her right now. "I mean I do want you, but not if you are not ready," he continues to ramble between kisses.

"Deeks," she says gently yet firmly. "I knew what you meant. I want you like that too, but I also want you like this." She shows him what she means with a passionate kiss. "Let's go to bed," she suggests breathily as she rises from the couch and then reaches out to give him a hand.

"Wow," Deeks breathes later in the evening as he gently trails his fingertips up and down the arm Kensi has resting on his chest. "That was. . ."

"pretty incredible," Kensi finishes when Deeks hesitates to either catch his breath or decide which positive adjective to use. She places a kiss on his chest as the hand that was caressing her arm delves into her hair. As she lifts her head his other hand cradles her cheek and brings her lips to his for a gentle kiss.

"Mmmm," Kensi sighs snuggling against him. Marty Deeks definitely knows how to treat a woman.

Deeks soon falls asleep. Kensi softly calls for Monty who Deeks had earlier commanded to stay in the living room.

"Come here buddy," she says softly patting the bed behind her when the dog comes trotting into the room. Monty curls up behind Kensi's legs. She gives him a scratch behind the ears before turning back to Deeks and wrapping one of her legs over his to give Monty more room on the bed.

Kensi couldn't be more content and comfortable as she falls asleep sandwiched between her favorite dog and her favorite man.

When Deeks wakes up his first conscious thought is that having a certain brunette wrapped around him is complete bliss. His second thought is amusement at the dog snores he hears on the other side of Kensi. His third thought is that he better get moving if he is going to take Monty home and make it to work on time.

When Kensi feels Deeks stir, she holds tight to him.

"Not yet," she murmurs suddenly fearful of facing the day.

At first Deeks is pleased and hopeful she wants him to stay. Then, he realizes her heart is racing.

"What's wrong Kens?" he asks quietly as he turns to hold her.

"Nothing, I,"

"Kensi," Deeks cuts off her lie.

"I'm scared okay; scared of dealing with what happened in Afghanistan. I'm scared that yesterday was the only perfect day we're going to get. I'm terrified that your going to get pulled to go undercover and I'm going to lose you. What if I can't open up enough or push you away?" she asks raising her eyes to meet his, and he can see the worry she is voicing.

Deeks takes her hand and laces his fingers with hers.

"You did just open up Kens, and your fears are all real and justified. We'll go slowly; take things one day at a time. But we better not go too slowly today because I don't think Hetty and the guys will be on board with our thing if we are late. I think we better take a shower together." Deeks breaks the serious mood by suggestively scooting closer and kissing her.

"Oh you think so huh? How about I take a shower and you take Monty out and make your girlfriend some breakfast?"

"Go out with me tonight and you have a deal," Deeks bargains rolling on top of her and making her laugh.

"Ohhh I like this deal," Kensi agrees. "Ok, thanks for the pep talk. We have to get moving," she motivates him with a pat on the chest and a kiss.

Deeks slides on his boxers and heads toward the kitchen.

"Kens," he turns back to her still pondering something she said earlier.

"Yeah," she replies stopping to turn back toward him on her way to the bathroom.

"Whatever happens with our thing, you won't lose me. I mean where would I find a woman as classy as you who can hotwire a Cessna?"

"Same here. It's way to much work to train a partner or friend that will have my ass and hold my purse."

Both comments are light-hearted, but the sentiment behind them is deeply felt.


	2. Monty Wants to Stay

**Title: **Feels Like Home

**Chapter 2: **Monty Wants to Stay

**Disclaimer: **I do not own NCIS LA or any of the characters

**Summary: **This chapter begins about an hour after the end of chapter 1 "A Perfect Day." "A Perfect Day" was meant to be a one shot, but then some more scenes having to do with Kensi's homecoming after Afghanistan popped into my head. Thanks for reading and please feel free to review.

* * *

**Monty Wants to Stay**

"So should we ride in together?" Deeks asks as Kensi unplugs the coffee pot.

"Makes sense since Monty will be here. We can walk him after work and then go grab a bite to eat," Kensi rationalizes.

"Sounds good, you ready?" Deeks asks as he takes a to-go cup of coffee from her.

"I'm good Deeks. You don't have to keep checking in with me," Kensi assures him thinking from the concerned look on his face and the tone of his voice that he's asking if she's ready to face the day and her debriefing on Afghanistan.

Kensi had assumed correctly so Deeks tries to cover by teasing, "No, I mean are you physically ready?" as he points to his watch.

"Ready," she says grabbing her keys and patting Monty's head, "and that is not what you meant."

Deeks waits for her to lock the door before placing a hand on her waist and turning her towards him.

"One more," he says as he moves his hand to her neck and kisses her hungrily. Now that he finally has her back, he can't get enough.

"We could go to the boathouse at lunch," she flirts and then attacks his lips again not ready to leave the little cocoon she's had for the past 24 hours of it being just them.

"I like your spunk Kensalina, but we both know you would never." There is a challenge, but also a sweet understanding of who she is in his eyes as his thumb caresses her cheek. "Plus there are a lot of cameras that people we know have access to."

"Common, I thought you did your best work on camera," Kensi continues to have fun with her daring flirting as she turns toward the car.

"Touché," Deeks laughs.

* * *

"Welcome Home Kensi!" everyone greets when she and Deeks arrive in the bullpen. There are doughnuts and balloons on her desk.

"So glad to have you back," Callen says kissing her on the cheek and hugging her tightly, "and job well done."

"Wasn't the same without you," Sam tells her wrapping her in a bear hug. "You did your country proud."

Eric is next with a hug and a, "missed you."

"Never leave me again with all these boys to wrangle," Nell requests as she and Kensi hug. Nell then adds, "Girl we need to talk," as she glances at Deeks.

"Welcome home dear," Hetty greets coming over. "I hate to break up the party right away, but the team is waiting to debrief you."

"Can I at least take my doughnut?" Kensi asks a little disappointed to have to leave the gang already.

Hetty nods.

"Thanks for the welcome home guys," Kensi says raising her doughnut to them. "See you in a bit I guess."

Deeks wants to say something encouraging like I'll be right here, but they discussed keeping their thing out of the office. Instead he offers, "You can pick the lunch spot when you're done."

She smiles and nods at him understanding the underlying sentiment.

* * *

When she is done with the debriefing, Kensi checks her phone and she has a few texts.

Deeks: Done yet?

Deeks: Let me know if I need to come rescue you.

Deeks: Went to Pink's. Chili dog on the way.

Nell: Come to Ops asap.

Kensi texts Deeks that she'll be in Ops, then heads upstairs.

* * *

"Winthrop Heights!" Kensi exclaims as she enters Ops. "What have I missed?" she asks more excited about the comforts of the routines she has with her friends than the actual show. Sometimes when things are slow Kensi, Nell, Eric, Deeks, and once in awhile even Sam and Callen watch the soap opera in Ops on their lunch break.

"Kristen is back and she and Robert are getting married, again," Eric divulges as Kensi takes a seat.

"Monica is back to being the evil twin," Nell chimes in.

"Thank God for slow days," Kensi comments as she relaxes back on her chair to watch.

"Rick's alive?" Deeks questions as he enters Ops with food a few minutes later. He gets shushed by Nell and Eric who are into the story.

Kensi on the other hand is very glad to see him. "You haven't been watching?" she asks in a whisper looking up at him as he sets the food on the counter and places a hand on her shoulder. "Oh," is her somewhat surprised utterance when she reads his look and suddenly realizes he watched the show with them to be with her. Well that and to make snarky comments about the ridiculousness of everything that happens on the soap.

"So, I enjoy a good third wedding as much as the next person, but I'm not sure it's worth dying over," Deeks bring up a good point as a commercial comes on. "Hetty said the next time we were caught with food in Ops we would need a higher power to save us."

"Very good Mr. Deeks," Hetty cuts in. "If you all know what's good for you, you will get that greasy bag of food out of my operations center. And, I would think you all would have something better to do than to watch this nonsense."

"Just studying accents," Eric tries to be funny as the show comes back on and one of the characters appears on screen speaking in an unrecognizable accent.

"Getting ideas for new aliases," Kensi also tries to rationalize their soap opera watching.

"Oh yes, I'm sure," Hetty comments unbelieving. "Just save me a seat for the wedding, and a hot dog."

"You good?" Deeks asks Kensi as they head downstairs.

"Yeah, I'm glad it's done. I'll be even better when I get my hands on that chili dog," she informs him as she peeks in the bag and inhales the yummy smell.

* * *

Later in the afternoon when Eric comes down to talk to some of the tech guys, Kensi takes the opportunity to go upstairs and talk to Nell.

"Hey Kens," she greets. "So tell me everything. I know he picked you up at the airport. Are you guys together? How is it?" Nell fires off questions.

Kensi begins to blush before she even starts to talk. "Yes, we're together. We just hung out yesterday. We went to the beach. He made me dinner. It's really new and fun," Kensi explains wanting to talk about it and not wanting to at the same time. She pulls on the fingers of one of her hands with the other one in a nervous gesture. "It just feels like home."

"Aww, that's so sweet. I am happy for you guys." Nell gushes.

"Thanks," Kensi replies. "Now dish on what's been going on with everyone here."

Nell gives her news on Sam and his family, how Callen is the same as always, and about how much Deeks missed her.

"You left out you and Eric," Kensi pries.

"Nothing new there," Nell reports then changes the subject to making plans for everyone to go out for drinks after work the following day.

* * *

Kensi's jetlag catches up with her during the late afternoon. She rests her head on her hand as she reads through an ongoing case she and Deeks are working on.

"Let's get out of here," Deeks decides taking the file from her hand just as her eyes are starting to close.

"I'm good," she insists reaching for the file back.

"It's almost 5. I think you deserve to leave a little early," he reasons.

"Go on Kens, get some rest," Callen encourages having overheard.

The blessing of her team leader is the push Kensi needs to get her out the door. They say goodnight and head to Deek's car.

"Do you still want to go out?" Deeks asks. "I can make dinner again," he offers.

"Let's go out. We can walk Monty first and the fresh air will wake me up. Can we do Mexican?"

"Sure, Mexican place with the great guacamole, or Mexican place with the out of this world fish tacos and Sangria?"

"Tacos and Sangria," Kensi decides.

* * *

When Kensi and Deeks get back to her place that night she flips on Project Runway and curls up on the couch. Deeks takes a seat at the other end of the couch and Monty comes over for a head scratch. It doesn't take long for the jetlag and Sangria to cause her eyelids to start to droop. She lies with her head on the armrest and her feet pressed against Deek's thigh. He begins to massage her feet.

"This is nice, but I'm starting to feel like a really crappy girlfriend," Kensi comments feeling bad that Deeks has gone above and beyond taking care of her and she feels like she has given very little in return.

"You've been home for less than 48 hours," Deeks runs his hand along her calf. "Can you just relax for like a week and let me take care of you?" Deeks knows this will be hard for her since she is used to taking care of herself.

"Well, since you are offering, can I have another back massage," she requests feeling like she is being needy, but the massage was so good she doesn't care. "The debriefing brought all the tension back."

"Of course," Deeks replies following her to the bedroom. Monty follows Deeks and lays on the floor on the side of the bed that Kensi lays down on. Deeks feels a sense of accomplishment when he hears Kensi's little snort snores a few minutes into the massage. He tries to get off the bed from his position kneeling over her without waking her up, but doesn't succeed.

"You're tired," he says leaning down and kissing her hair. "Monty and I are going to go."

"Why?" she asks hugging her pillow and opening her eyes.

"I don't have clean clothes here, Monty needs food, and you need sleep," Deeks replies. "Plus I thought I would give you a little space since we have plans the next two days together. Common Monty," Deeks calls patting his leg. The dog looks at Deeks, then looks at Kensi and remains lying on the ground next to her.

"Monty doesn't want to leave," Kensi states giving Deeks a satisfied smile.

"She lets you sleep in bed one night and now you love her more," Deeks says feigning disappointment in the dog.

"Do you want space?" Kensi asks suddenly worried.

"No," Deeks answers quickly. "Three months was more than enough space."

"Then, How about you stay? We get up early and go to the beach. You can surf. Eric said the swell is going to be amazing. Monty and I go for a walk and pick up breakfast. We swing by your place. We're to work by 9:30."

"I like the way you think," Deeks agrees with the plan crawling into bed next to her.

"I will tell you if I need space," Kensi says turning toward him and scooting close.

"So no space," he clarifies wrapping an arm and leg around her and pulling her against him.

"No space," she agrees kissing him. As her hands find their way under his shirt, she finds her second wind.


	3. You Kiss This Loser?

**Title: **Feels Like Home

**Chapter 3: ** You Kiss This Loser?

**Disclaimer: **I do not own NCIS LA or the characters.

**Summary: **This is my happy little version of what happens when Kensi comes back from Afghanistan. This chapter begins the morning after chapter 2 ends. It is keeping me sane until we get a new episode. Enjoy and please feel free to review.

**You Kiss This Loser?**

Kensi wakes up to the alarm she had set the night before. Deeks stirs when she leaves the bed to brush her teeth and let Monty out, but he is dead asleep again when she and Monty plod their way back into the dark bedroom.

As Kensi slides back into bed behind him, kisses his shoulder, and wraps an arm around him, Deeks wakes happy he didn't leave the night before. His hand finds hers and he brings it to his lips kissing her knuckles. This simple act makes her feel so loved.

"I've been waiting a long time for this," he confides in a gravely morning voice as he rolls over to face her.

"Me too," Kensi agrees understanding that Deeks isn't just talking about the last 3 months. "I feel like we have been close to crossing the line for so long now. I'm glad we did. It just feels right," she shares looking into his eyes as she plays with his fingers. He is very happy to hear she feels this way.

"Speaking of feeling right," he says suggestively as he brings his hand to her hip and shimmy's his body closer to hers. She can feel how much he wants her in his kiss and she feels exactly the same way. They have gotten over any awkwardness there was that first night 3 months ago. Their intimacy has the trust of their partnership, the comfort of their friendship, and a new passion that is indescribable.

"I thought we were going to the beach. I don't know if you can have your bacon and eat it too," she teases between kisses.

"Oh I'm gonna try," he proclaims as he gathers her in his arms and brings her on top of him. Hands and lips explore and ignite the passion that they have finally given in to.

As they make love in the stillness of predawn they both hope it is a long time before they get past the 'can't keep their hands off each other' stage. Monty on the other hand would like to be able to sleep in the same room with his people without strange noises scaring him away.

* * *

"Kensi let's go! The sun's already up," Deeks calls out 45 minutes later as she tries to add a little makeup to the dark circles under her eyes.

"Coming," she insists even though she had told him the same thing 5 minutes ago.

* * *

"You sure you don't want to surf?" he asks opening the door for Monty to hop in his car.

"No, I just took a shower and my legs are a little jello-like at the moment," she compliments smiling shyly about their morning exploits.

"We'll see how well I stay up," he returns the compliment.

* * *

Kensi feels a tug of desire in her stomach as Deeks comes out of the water dripping wet with surfboard under his arm and runs a hand through his hair to push it back from his face.

"You looked good out there," she comments when he gets closer. Monty does a little doggy dance to get Deeks's attention, so he bends down to pet him.

"Thanks, I spent a lot of time out here," he tells her looking up at her and thinking that she looks too gorgeous in her jeans and long sleeve t-shirt that hugs her body and wavy hair. He doesn't like how his surfer friends always stare and flirt with her when she meets him here or comes to surf with him.

"What do you have in there?" Deeks leans over pretending to try to look in the bag, but then leans in and kisses her. He is careful not to get her wet since he doesn't want an annoyed Kensi. He catches her by surprise with the public display of affection, but her body automatically reacts and she kisses him back.

She raises her eyebrows at him in question after the kiss, but doesn't say anything about it. Instead she hands him the coffee she has in one hand. "We'll have to share." She holds up Monty's leash as explanation for why there is only one coffee. She then hands him an egg and bacon sandwich.

"I guess I can have the bacon and eat it too," he continues their running joke. She laughs and as some of his friends approach she realizes the kiss may have been about Deeks giving a signal to them that she is taken. She knows he hates it when those guys flirt with her. She plays along and gives him another quick peck on the lips before digging her own sandwich out of the bag.

"Hey Kensi, haven't seen you in awhile. You kiss this loser now?" one of Deek's LAPD friends, Dan, asks with a hint of disappointment in his voice.

Kensi doesn't get why guys are always putting each other down and she is especially tired of people putting Deeks down, but she doesn't quite know how to respond to Dan's comment. She shrugs and says, "I guess I have a thing for surfers."

"Come on Kensi give me a chance. I'll blow this guy out of the water," Dan moves toward her in a playful way.

Kensi puts her hand up to stop him from coming any closer and quips, "I have a thing for surfers who can stay up." She figures if you can't beat them, join them.

"Nice," Deeks encourages proud of how far Kensi has come in verbal banter.

"Dang," one of the other guys utters.

"That's cold Kensi, cold," Dan jokes knowing he just got burned.

"We need to get to work," Deeks tells the group as he takes Monty's leash from Kensi.

As they walk to the car Kensi inquires playfully, "so about that kiss?"

Deeks just smiles and responds, "Did I detect a double meaning behind your comment back there?"

Words aren't needed for each to know they both just declared to their friends and each other that they are an official and exclusive item.

* * *

Later that night Eric and Nell have just taken their second drink out onto the dance floor.

"Come dance," Kensi requests as 'Call Me Maybe' comes on the jukebox.

"Sorry, Deeks doesn't dance."

"What?" Kensi exclaims surprised. She knows she's seen him dance. "Well then one of your aliases does. Tim?" she tries.

"I'll dance with you Kensi, just not to this song," Sam offers getting up to go put a dollar of his own in the jukebox. A few minutes later when 'Billy Jean' comes on he offers a hand to Kensi and a hand to Michelle saying "Common Ladies."

"How's Kensi," Callen asks when he and Deeks are alone.

"Good, I think she is still processing everything that happened. She's told me some, but not everything yet. The psychologist cleared her today for desk duty. Hopefully full duty in a week or so," Deeks gives his team leader some details without betraying any of Kensi's confidences. He watches her laugh as Eric spins her around the dance floor and he knows she'll be okay.

"I don't want to pry, but I need to know if you two are good."

"If by good, you mean together, then yeah we're good," Deeks answers awkwardly, avoiding eye contact with Callen. "I know it's not ideal, but Kensi and I want to see where this goes," he shares. "We didn't mean for it to happen."

"I know how that goes," Callen reminds him as he puts a hand on Deeks's shoulder. "In fact we all know how that goes," he adds smiling as he nods toward Sam and Michelle. "If you hurt her though, you know Sam and I will have to…"

"Sam already gave me the big brother speech," Deeks cuts him off. "And Kensi and I both know that what happened on that case before she left cannot happen again. We know emotions or our issues cannot compromise the mission," he assures the senior agent.

"Good," Callen says satisfied with Deeks's response. "You're good for her Deeks."

Deeks knows that's the highest compliment he could get from Callen.

"They're good for each other Mr. Callen," Hetty adds her own two cents. As she joins them, Deeks is pretty sure she gives him a wink.

"Glad you made it Hetty," Callen welcomes her.

"What are you drinking?" Deeks asks signaling their waiter.

Just as Deeks is thinking about getting out on the dance floor Nell comes over to the table and gives him a push. "I want my dance partner back. Go dance with your girl."

As 'You Are the Sunshine of My Life' by Stevie Wonder comes over the sound system, Deeks places a hand on Kensi's shoulder and when she turns he holds out his hand to her in an offer to dance.

"I thought Deeks didn't dance?" she questions. Pleased that he is out on the dance floor now she takes his offered hand and caresses the back of his neck with the other.

"I figured I better get some practice in. Troy's wedding is in April," he informs her of a coworker's impending marriage. "We got the invitations last month. I replied yes for you. You're having the beef tips."

Showing her contentment with being home and with being with Deeks and with the possibility of the future, she rests her head on his shoulder as they dance. He brings their joined hands to his chest.

"So who's wedding do you think we'll be dancing at first?" Michelle asks giving Sam a knowing smile as she watches the other two couples on the floor.

"Whoa, what?" Sam asks caught off guard.

"Look at them Sam. Kensi is so in love she doesn't even know the rest of us are in this bar and Deeks just adores her." Michelle turns them as they dance just in time for Sam to see Deeks place a quick kiss on the top of Kensi's head. Sam reminisces about that new love feeling and holds Michelle a little closer. "And those two are just all googly-eyed," she adds turning him toward Nell and Eric.

Sam chuckles as he sees what she is seeing. "Well at least we'll have some couples we can go out with and be real with."

"We need to find someone for Callen." It's not the first time they have brought this subject up.

"Agreed," Sam says then places a gentle kiss on his wife's lips.

"Did you know they were falling in love?" Callen asks Hetty as they sip their drinks and watch what is going on around them.

"I had my suspicions," she replies cagily. "Did you?"

"I had my suspicions," he concurs. "Do you approve?"

"Everyone needs someone Mr. Callen."

"And those two someones make a pretty good team," Callen guesses where Hetty's thoughts are going.

"Yes, I would say they do," she agrees.

"What about those two?" he asks about Nell and Eric.

"We shall see Mr. Callen. We shall see."


	4. Drinks and a Dinner Date

**Title: **Feels Like Home

**Chapter 4: **Drinks and a Dinner Date

**Rating: **T

**Summary: **This story is a lot of Densi fluff with some scenes with the other characters thrown in. It is my happy version of what takes place when Kensi gets home from Afghanistan. It is probably a lot different from what will actually happen, but it is keeping me busy until we get some new episodes. This chapter begins later the same night of chapter 3. I hope you like it. Please feel free to review.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own NCIS LA or any of the characters.

* * *

**Drinks and a Dinner Date**

"Kensi, you're up," Deeks summons her back to the dart game they had begun against Sam and Michelle about an hour ago.

"Hang on," she calls to him from the bar then adds, "Do you guys want anything?"

Michelle holds up her beer and says, "I'll take another."

"Guess that makes us the designated drivers," Sam smiles at Callen glad his wife and everyone around them are enjoying a night out. "What about you?" he asks Deeks. "You good?"

"Ice tea," Deeks reveals holding up his drink, "and not the fun kind."

"We need to do this more often," Eric insists as he puts an arm around Nell's shoulders and the other around Kensi's.

"Yes, we do," Kensi agrees clinking her glass to Eric's and a little of it sloshes over the side.

"I love dancing to this song!" Kensi exclaims enthusiastically as Kesha's 'Die Young' comes on. "Callen want to take over for me?" she asks as she sets her drink on the table near the dart game and grabs Nell's hand to lead her back out on the small dance floor at the bar.

"This definitely is the fun kind," Deeks comments taking a sip of Kensi's drink. "No wonder her aim has been so off. Catch us up Callen," he encourages handing G the darts.

After the dart game Kensi gets Callen on the dance floor before finding Deeks again and getting him back out there. She feels light and free as he spins her around to Madonna's "Open Your Heart." She's not thinking about Afghanistan or feeling trapped by the burdens, fear, or loneliness she had been feeling for the past three months. As everyone comes back to the table for a little breather Kensi declares, "I think it's a good thing Hetty left. I'm getting a little tipsy."

"Me too," Nell adds airily.

"No? really?" Sam teases them then buys one more round. They talk and laugh late into the night.

"I have to pee," Michelle announces near 1:00 a.m. Kensi and Nell agree a visit to the bathroom sounds like a good idea.

"Should I be worried?" Deeks wonders aloud at the very uncharacteristic behavior Kensi is displaying as the ladies hang onto each other and giggle and stumble their way to the bathroom. Maybe he spoke too soon when he said Kensi was good. Usually she is the first one to worry about designated drivers and he's seen her tipsy because some days she can be tipsy after 2 drinks, but he's never seen her this close to drunk.

"We've all been buying her drinks. I'm sure tonight could have something to do with Afghanistan, but on the other hand she could just be having a fun night out," Callen reasons.

"One night of overindulgence isn't cause for worry," Same assures him.

Kensi leans down, wraps an arm around Deeks from behind, and kisses him on the cheek when she returns from the restroom. "One more round," she suggests. Deeks gently keeps hold of her arm as she straightens and guides her around to sit on his lap.

"How bout I take you home beautiful," he suggests instead. He's pretty sure from the way she was dancing with him earlier that she'll be interested.

"Remember a long time ago when you said you'd be able to pick me up in a bar," she reminisces.

"I do," he says smiling at the memory. His eyes dart around the table and he sees in the humorous expressions on Sam and Callen's faces that they remember too. "Did I succeed?" he asks suddenly feeling as if the heat has been turned on in the bar.

"Let's go lover boy." She gives him a quick peck on the lips then says thanks and goodnight to everyone. As soon as they are in the car she leans over and places kisses along his jaw line before moving to his neck. He turns the car off again as she tries to maneuver into his lap and he chuckles at how his fantasy is coming true.

"Kensi, Princess," he tries to get her attention between kisses. "It's not that I'm not loving this, because I am," he assures her not wanting to incur the wrath of Kensi Blye. "So much," he groans as she slides her hand up his thigh. "It's just you're going to start feeling pretty crappy any time now and it might be a good idea to get you home before that happens."

Since she is already feeling quite dizzy, she lets Deeks give her one more kiss and gently guide her back into the passenger seat.

* * *

"The room is spinning," Kensi complains as Deeks comes into the bedroom from the bathroom once they are back at his place.

"Put one foot on the floor," he suggests as he throws her a t-shirt to sleep in.

"Why did I do this?" she groans clutching her churning stomach as she sits up to change into his t-shirt.

"Because it feels good until it doesn't," Deeks replies matter of factly as he undresses and climbs into bed next to her.

"I shouldn't have drank so much in front of Callen and Sam and Hetty," she laments as she slides under the covers.

Here's the Kensi I know and love Deeks thinks as he reassures her, "They were all buying you drinks Kens. I'm sure they think nothing of you getting a little drunk." He knows the others think nothing of it. He's the one that's starting to get a little worried. He's starting to notice signs that Kensi is more affected than she is letting on by what happened in Afghanistan.

* * *

When she bolts upright in bed a few hours later Deeks is first afraid she is going to be sick from the amount of alcohol she consumed. Then, he remembers the same thing happened the previous night. She is breathing hard, trembling, and her fists clutch the sheets.

"Kensi, what's wrong?" Deeks whispers as he props himself up on his elbow and places a hand on her thigh.

"I can't," she says in a shaky voice as she tries to slow down her breathing and heartbeat.

"You know you can tell me anything," he pushes a little harder than the previous night.

"I don't want to talk about it," she insists as she lies back down facing away from him. She might not be ready to tell him what has given her nightmares, but she does accept his comfort as he pulls her against his bare chest and kisses her hair. She rests her arm over the one he has wrapped around her waist. When he feels the weight lift off his arm for a few seconds and then return, he can only assume she is wiping away a few tears.

* * *

"Kensi," Deeks whispers in her ear coming back to bed after letting a whining Monty outside. "Kensi," he tries again this time tickling her ear as he does it. She awakens with the happy realization that some things will never change. "I know you're awake. Wanna go surfing?" he asks resting a hand on her shoulder. Her only response is a displeased grunt at being woken up.

He slides his hand down to her hip and suggestively encourages, "how about we…"

He is interrupted with a soft elbow to the gut that reflects her headache, dry mouth, and sour stomach and not her even happier realization of how much has changed.

"Guess that's a no," he grumbles as he lovingly rubs his thumb over her hipbone.

"I need sleep," she tells him as she buries her head further in her pillow, "but you can go if you want."

"Nah, I like sleep, plus it's getting too late in the morning anyway." The truth is he's not ready to be away from her yet.

"Morning Sunshine," Deeks greets Kensi over his newspaper as she wanders into the living room around 11:00 a.m. later that morning. "There's coffee," he informs her earning a smile and a, "Morning."

He gets up and follows her into the kitchen and gets her two aspirin and a glass of water. "There's cereal, or I can make you peanut butter toast," he offers knowing she likes that when she isn't feeling well.

"You don't have to baby me Deeks. I'm fi… I'm good." As she accepts the offered aspirin and water their eyes meet and she can see that he knows she is lying. She can also see that he isn't going to push and will patiently wait for her to tell him and will be there for her when she needs him.

That afternoon Kensi and Deeks spend the longest time apart since she's been home. They decide to have a real date with them getting ready at separate places and Deeks picking her up at 6:00 for drinks and a nice dinner. Kensi sorts through her mail and watches a few things on her DVR before she starts to get ready. She leaves her hair down and wavy just pulling back a little bit on each side into a clip in the back, since she knows Deeks likes it that way. She adds some makeup especially to accentuate her eyes. She chooses a dress that she wore on an op the first year she and Deeks were partners. Last she adds earrings and a bracelet.

Deeks knocks at precisely 6:00.

"Wow," he breathes when she opens the door. He didn't think she could be any more beautiful, but tonight she is absolutely stunning.

Her heart flutters at the sight of Deeks in a suit holding flowers in his hand that are for her.

"I know you don't like them," he almost apologizes holding them out to her, "but I couldn't think of anything else."

"They're beautiful," she assures him as she accepts the dozen red roses and takes in their sweet smell. "I might be able to change my mind about flowers," she adds smiling at him over her shoulder as she moves to the kitchen to find a vase.

"You look stunning," Deeks remembers to voice his earlier thought. He rests a hand on her lower back as she fills the vase with water.

"Thank you," she replies.

"So stunning in fact," he teases trailing his fingers up her back and playing with the zipper on her dress as his lips zero in on her neck.

"Oh no, no, no," she shimmies out of his reach even though his touch sends pleasant shivers of desire through her body. "You are not getting any of this until you take me to dinner," she proclaims as she gestures to her body. "We are dressed up and we are going out on a real date to eat little portions of very rich and expensive food where we do not have to pretend to be other people and where I don't have to fight anyone, seduce anyone, or get shot at."

"Ok, but maybe a little seduction," he teases as he hands her her purse.

At dinner Deeks laughs so hard at a story Kensi is telling about a conversation she had with Granger over in Afghanistan he almost chokes on his steak.

"Now that's a good one liner," he chokes out and congratulates Kensi by holding up his wine glass in salute to her. She clinks her glass to his as he is still sputtering and trying to take a drink of water with his other hand.

"You okay," she asks reaching for the hand that just released his wine glass.

"Worth it," he replies still chuckling and choking.

"Just so you know I'm considering this our second date and it's by far the best second date I've ever had," she compliments as she stares into his eyes and her thumb circles over the back of his hand.

"Mine too," he concurs squeezing her hand.

As much as she wanted to come out with him tonight, Kensi is also still adjusting to being home and the crowded restaurant is a bit overwhelming for her. As they finish their dinner she realizes she wants to be at home with just him.

"Should we get dessert to go?" she suggests trying to cover her anxiety by making it sound suggestive.

"Sure, everything okay?" he asks suddenly worried. He isn't buying that she wants to leave only because she wants him.

"Yeah, it's just…" she tries to find the words as she glances around the restaurant. "I'm…" she struggles.

"It's okay," Deeks assures her softly as her hand trembles under his. "We'll go."

As they leave the restaurant he slips his suit coat over her shoulders to help protect her from the chill in the evening air and hoping to make her feel safe.

* * *

"How about a fire," Deeks suggests when they get to his place. Kensi greets Monty and puts their leftovers and desserts in the fridge as he lays logs in the fireplace. She lays Deeks's jacket over the arm of the couch, then sits back to enjoy the view of his muscular back as he is hunched over getting the flames going.

Deeks joins her on the couch and wraps his arm around her.

"Better?" he asks.

"A little," she replies snuggling into his chest. "Sometimes everything just feels so overwhelming. The job…I don't' know… I just feel kind of lost," she admits some of her thoughts even if they are scattered and not complete.

"That's how I felt," he quietly reminds her that he went through something similar not very long ago. "Just let me know what I can do."

"You already are," she says gratefully.

* * *

"You must really like me," Deeks teases awhile later after Kensi feeds him a bite of her cake. "You're sharing chocolate."

"Haha," she replies sarcastically. He offers her a bite of carrot cake then takes one himself. She sets her half eaten cake on the table and leans back into him again. She reaches up and caresses his close shaven beard as she guides his lips to hers. The kisses are long, slow, and literally sweet. "Tastes good," she whispers as she starts to unbutton his shirt. "I like the suit," she adds kissing his chest.

When the couch becomes too restrictive for their foreplay, Deeks spreads a blanket on the floor for them in front of the fireplace.

Later as the fire is dying and hair tickles his stomach as she places soft kisses on it, Deeks wonders how he got so lucky. "You are so beautiful," awe present in his voice as he runs a hand through her hair and down her back. When she doesn't respond Deeks realizes her lips are pressed to the scar on his chest from one of his bullet wounds. "Hey, where'd you go Kens?" he asks gently as he brings his hand back up into her hair.

"How are we going to do this?" she asks looking up into his eyes. "I don't think I could handle it if anything happened to you."

"I know," he empathizes sliding his hand to her cheek as she comes up to lay her head next to his and he turns on his side so they are facing each other still. "But could we handle it even if we hadn't made love, even if we weren't together?" he asks. He cared for her long before he slept with her.

"No," she replies honestly. She's known for a long time that he is more than a partner and friend to her and that losing him would be catastrophic for her. "I know we can't go back. I don't want to. I just don't know how to go forward."

"We'll take it one day at a time. We'll enjoy it." He leans over and places a soft kiss on her lips to emphasize his point. "We'll figure it out," he promises as she laces her fingers through his.


	5. Worse Before It Gets Better

**Title: **Feels Like Home

**Chapter 5: **Worse Before It Gets Better

**Summary: **This story is my fluffy and Densi filled version of what happens when Kensi returns from Afghanistan. This chapter begins about a week after chapter 4.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own NCIS LA or any of the characters.

**Rating: T**

* * *

**Worse Before it Gets Better**

He didn't hear her get out of bed about 45 minutes ago. He must have finally fallen asleep for a few minutes, but he had been awake when she'd been tossing and turning for an hour and a half before that. He tried to let her have some space and get some sleep himself, so he hadn't tried to push her into talking earlier in the evening. He knew she was feeling bad about keeping him awake at night, so he even pretended to be asleep for awhile when she was tossing and turning hoping to ease her mind. Now he's wide awake and not willing to let her struggle on her own any longer tonight. He joins her in the shadowed living room lit only by the barely audible TV. She sits on the end of the couch. Her head rests on her hand propped up by the elbow that rests on the arm rest of the couch. Her feet are curled to the side. She strokes the head of the faithful companion sitting protectively right in front of her as she stares blankly at the TV.

Kensi is glad he woke up and has come to find her. She feels bad she has been keeping him up at night, but not bad enough to stay at her own home and let him get some sleep because she doesn't want to be alone. Deeks sits down at the other end of the couch and watches the informercial for a few minutes to see if she is going to open up or if he will have to start.

"I thought it would get better," Kensi shares miserably after a few minutes of silence as she looks over at him. "The first day I was home I really thought it would get better."

Deeks isn't really sure what to say. Kensi still won't verbalize exactly what has her so traumatized, so he doesn't know how to help her. He just knows she hasn't touched a weapon that he's seen since she's been home, the psychologist has not cleared her for duty, she's been having moments of pretty severe anxiety, and sleep has been elusive. He wants to tell her it will get better, but he can't promise that.

"Is the psychologist helping? I have a new number for Nate," he offers thinking their friend might be able to help her more than some stranger.

"Yeah, maybe," she replies apathetically. "You don't have to stay up," she tells him panicking at the idea of telling him what she is really thinking.

"What and miss the session of the PPPTSD group you and Monty have obviously started without me?"

She raises an eyebrow getting from the tone of his voice that he is making a joke, but not quite understanding what PPPTSD is.

"Puppy and People Post Traumatic Stress Disorder," he clarifies getting her to crack a smile. He is relieved that joking works and she holds out her arm indicating for him to come snuggle with her. He brings his cat pillow placing it against her thigh and resting his head there as she caresses his arm and back.

"So how does this support group work?" Kensi asks wanting to talk, but scared and stalling too.

"Well first we need cookies," Deeks insists getting up and moving to the kitchen for a middle of the night snack.

"In ice cream," Kensi adds.

"In ice cream," Deeks confirms smiling. He comes back with cookies crumbled on top of a bowl of ice cream for them to share. He sits next to her and wraps an arm around her to hand her her spoon. After taking a bite Kensi rests against his shoulder.

"I had to take out someone I knew," she says softly. "There wasn't only the White Ghost. There was another leak inside NCIS. I lived with this person. All the lives I've taken…This was different somehow." Deeks just listens. Her hand restlessly strokes his chest as she continues. "It's like I don't feel comfortable in my own skin. I can't stop thinking. I always feel tense. I feel like this op has changed me and I was afraid to tell you because I don't want you to look at me differently," she confides eyes watering and voice quivering on the part about him looking at her differently.

"Kensi Marie Blye," he says lovingly as he holds her closer, "I know you and there is almost nothing in this world you could do that would make me look at you differently. You didn't do anything wrong."

"I know," she sighs. "I just don't feel good about this op and what I did to carry it out."

They finish their ice cream in silence. When they are done Deeks sets the bowl on the table. "Go ahead," he tells Monty when the dog looks longingly at the few drops of ice cream left in the bowl. Monty licks out the bowl as Deeks lies down on the couch bringing Kensi with him.

* * *

He wakes in the morning to Kensi kissing his shoulder and then his cheek.

"I thought our nights of sleeping on this couch were behind us," Deeks mumbles sleepily keeping his eyes closed to block out the harsh sunlight.

"Hopefully soon…Thank you for being patient with me," she says when he opens his eyes and turns his head to look at her.

"I'm glad you told me. You know you don't have to come back to work right away. I can be patient for my partner to come back as long as I have you outside of work."

"Thanks, but I'm still going to call Nate. I want to put this behind me sooner than later."

"Good idea," Deeks agrees.

* * *

"Kensi," Deeks approaches her desk a few days later. He waits until she looks up at him from her desk. "I just got a call. I'm going undercover for an LAPD op."

"What? How long?" she asks as her heart starts pounding.

"Maybe just one meet, maybe a couple days."

"Can we talk somewhere?" she asks anxiously.

"Yeah, meet me at wardrobe in a minute."

"You almost never do solely LAPD cases," Kensi comments from outside the curtain after Deeks has explained the op to her.

"I took on some extra work while you were gone. I needed to keep busy," he explains.

Kensi slips inside the curtain. "Deeks I'm not…I'm not…" she can't finish the sentence, but Deeks knows she isn't ok. Kensi continues, "The only time I can somewhat relax and forget about Afghanistan is when I'm with you." She clutches her hands hating feeling this needy.

"Come here," he says reaching for her waist after adding a watch to his undercover outfit. "I'm sorry. I didn't know when or if this would ever come together. LAPD put a lot of work into this. If there weren't lives on the line…" he begins to explain that he wouldn't leave her if it weren't absolutely necessary as he pulls her into a hug and comfortingly runs his hands over her back.

When she pulls out of the hug, she puts a hand on his chest and says, "I get that you have to go. I just don't like it. We deserve a break. We deserve some time."

Deeks brings his hands to her cheeks and leans in to kiss her. "It's a well set up op. Should be a simple meet, exchange, and arrest," he tries to ease her fears.

She silences him with her lips then warns, "Don't say it's simple. It's never simple when cartel is involved. You'll jinx it."

"Don't worry Fern. I'll be back," he promises playing with her hair before giving her a longer, more passionate kiss to help them make it through the next few days apart. He grabs a burn phone and programs its number into his own burn phone. "I'll try to text you every four hours." He kisses her cheek before slipping out of wardrobe and leaving for his op.

Kensi waits for a minute turning the burn phone over in her hand trying to work off some nervous energy before exiting wardrobe and heading to her desk.

"People are going to talk," Callen teases her about her meeting with Deeks in wardrobe as she sits down, but then notices her furrowed brow and adds the question, "you ok Kens?"

"Deeks is going under for LAPD and I'm not ready to…I can't even back him up," she tries to explain her predicament.

"It's ok not to be ready Kensi. We know you went through a lot over there."

"No," Kensi decides. "If you, or Sam, or Deeks needs me, I need to be ready. I want to be ready." She heads for the armory and firing range.

* * *

"How late is he?" Callen asks the next evening after Kensi has checked her phone for the 20th time in an hour.

"An hour and forty-five minutes," is her reply followed by, "he jinxed it by saying it would be simple."

"Common, I'll take you to dinner," Callen offers.

Just as they are finishing dinner Kensi gets a text from Deeks that reads, 'Sorry Sunshine, you were right. Everything is good now. Paperwork, so will be home late.' Kensi's relieved smile tells Callen everything is ok.

"You and Deeks are good together," Callen comments. "Has Hetty said anything yet about how this will affect the team?"

"I think she is giving us a little time to figure things out first. Whatever she decides, Deeks and I decided we are going to do what we have to in order to give our thing a chance."

"That's good Kens. Even though you have both been through a lot, you both seem happy."

She nods and steers the conversation away from her and Deeks feeling shy about discussing their personal relationship with Callen.

Later that night Kensi and Monty are in Deeks's bed watching the Tonight Show when they both hear keys in the door. Monty's ears perk up as he stands and launches himself off the bed and out the bedroom door.

Deeks greets the dog loud enough for Kensi to hear. "Hey buddy. Kensi let you in the bed again didn't she? You have bed head."

"Hi," Deeks says as he enters the bedroom giving Kensi an I know what you were up to smile. It turns to a pleasantly intrigued and surprised smile at the sight of her sitting in his bed her long brown hair flowing down her back and over shoulders that are bare except for the thin spaghetti straps holding up a silky and lacy red negligee.

"Hi," she replies coyly making him forget all about giving her a hard time about letting Monty in the bed.

"I like this," he compliments sitting down next to her on the bed and running a finger under one of the spaghetti straps.

"I went shopping last night. I couldn't just sit at home alone," she confesses as she leans over to kiss him. One hand grabs onto his bicep and the other rests on his other shoulder as she shows him how relieved she is that he is safe.

"Miss me?" he asks with a bit of a cocky chuckle as she pushes him back against the pillows as she crawls out from under the covers and straddles his legs. 'I sure missed you,' he thinks as his hands slide up the silky fabric on her back.

As they kiss and caress and enjoy the intimacy of having just made love, Kensi suddenly becomes overwhelmed by everything: how much she loves Deeks, how afraid she is of losing him, how miserable she is over the op in Afghanistan, and her fears about going back to the job.

"I'm sorry Kens," Deeks kisses her lightly when he realizes she is crying. He figures it has to do with him going undercover and being late getting in touch with her tonight. "I'm so, so sorry." He knows it's a crappy feeling not to know if the one you care about is safe.

"I don't know how much longer I can do this." Her voice quivers as tears spill out.

Deeks's heart drops out of his chest. "We'll figure it out Kens," he says quickly. He can't lose her. "I want this. I'll do anything you need."

"Not us," she feels bad for not explaining better and scaring him. "The job. I fired my weapon yesterday, but it wasn't the same. I'm not the same. I've cried more in the last 2 weeks, than I have in the last two years."

"It's only been 2 weeks Kens. Give it a little more time," Deeks encourages placing a hand on her waist. He knows she isn't the same Kensi that left him 3 months ago, but he is also quite certain that she is strong enough to get through this.

"I feel like I'm falling apart. Don't let go okay," she requests meaning literally right now and in the days, weeks, months, and years ahead.

"I've got you baby girl. I've got you," he assures her pulling her into his chest.


End file.
